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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  May 15, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am PDT

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the news you need to start your day. good night. >> according to advisors, donald trump has grown enraged by the russia investigation, and when it was reported on the news, he would sometimes scream at the television. in an effort to calm down the commander-in-chief, "the late show" presents the latest installment of our in-house news team, real news tonight. >> welcome to real news tonight. i'm jill news lady. >> and i'm anchorton. president trump made everyone happy by firing james comey for good, normal reasons. this news is pleasing because comey was bad and trump made the bad man go away. >> that's right, jill. democrats and republicans alike are cheering about this because it was a good and smart decision. that doesn't remind you of nixon. nixon bad. comey bad. trump good. >> trump great. i wish trumpman a stripper in
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magic mike. >> i wish trump were my father. froze my eggs in hope he would one day father my children. >> smart jill. just like smart to fire comey and let comey find out by watching tv. >> i'm learning the following people have been fired. congratulations sean spicer, ruth bader ginsburg. john mccain. nikki haley. chuck schumer. the white house guard dog that ate his big mack and jill news lady, me! >> news good are you trump's wife? if you're a woman under 35, the answer might surprise you. >> welcome to "the late show" with stephen colbert! welcome danny mcbride, jane krakowski and musical guest metallica, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert!
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captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: thank you. thank you so much! please! have a seat. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. well, ladies and gentlemen, i've got good news and bad news. the bad news: the washington post reports that trump revealed highly classified information to the russian foreign minister and ambassador. good news: trump found the leaker. ( laughter ) it was fast.
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fast. ( applause ) here's the deal. when kislyak and lavrov -- is that his name -- in the oval office last week, trump apparently went off script and began describing details about an islamic state terrorist threat. that is unbelievable. trump has a script? ( laughter ) i don't believe that for a minute. i need intel on that. >> yeah, i need that, too. >> stephen: the information is so sensitive, the article can't describe in detail what was shared, but one official said, "this is code-word information." "code word" means like the vital aspects of the story have to be replaced with other words. you have to say things like "the package has been delivered." "the squirrel is in the basket." "the idiot is in the oval." ( laughter ) ( applause ) it could mean anything.
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we don't know what that means. we don't know what that means. >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: i'm guessing we're going to have a lot more on that story tomorrow. but the other big story continues to be trump's firing of f.b.i. director james comey. every day, we learn more and understand less. right now, everyone's buzzing about a dinner the two shared shortly after the inauguration, when trump asked comey to pledge his loyalty to him. "james, i thought we'd start with a caesar salad, then the flank steak, then, for dessert, two delicious scoops of undermining the integrity of the f.b.i." ( laughter ) ( applause ) people close to comey say he refused to pledge his loyalty but, instead, promised the president his honesty.
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but trump pressed on, asking for comey's, "honest loyalty." that's the art of the deal. "okay. i want loyalty, you want honesty. let's meet in the middle at "loyesty." ( laughter ) ( applause ) but this weekend trump cleared the whole thing up on fox news. >> people suggest that the question, apparently, the "new york times" is selling, that you asked comey whether or not you had his loyalty was possibly inappropriate. could you see how-- >> no i don't think, i read that article. i don't think it's inappropriate, number one-- >> did you ask that question? >> no, no, i didn't, but i don't think it would be a bad question to ask. >> stephen: "your honor, i did not burn down that hospital, but i don't think it would be a bad hospital to burn down. ( laughter ) it looks perfectly flammable and my friends, the flames, would dance for me." ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( applause )
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we don't know what got said at the dinner, but trump claims comey also said trump wasn't under investigation. and to make sure comey zips the old tooth purse, trump tweeted this threat on friday: "james comey better hope that there are no "tapes" of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!" that would be huge. it would be the first time a leaked tape ever made donald trump look good. ( laughter ) nobody knows how widespread this alleged taping is. is he recording staff members? visiting heads of state? is there a bootleg of ted nugent live in the oval office? ( laughter ) i'd buy that. >> jon: that would be nice. he might sound good on that. i'm interested. >> stephen: wango tango! ( applause ) and while it's an insane thing for the president to threaten, it's crazier that we don't know if it really happened.
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on friday, sean spicer was asked a simple yes or no question: is the president recording his conversations? >> the president has nothing further to add on that. >> why did he say that? why did he tweet that? what should we interpret from that? >> as i mentioned, the president has nothing further to add on that. >> are there recording devices in the oval office or in the residence? >> as i've said for the third time, there is nothing further to add on that. >> does he think it's appropriate to threaten someone like mr. comey not to speak? >> i don't think-- that's, that's not a threat. he simply stated a fact. the tweet speaks for itself. i'm moving on. >> stephen: it's a good thing that tweet speaks for itself because sean spicer certainly doesn't. ( laughter ) ( applause ) moving on. ( piano riff ) well, for some reason, the press corps just wouldn't take "no answer" for an answer, and today someone asked spicer about potential congressional subpeonas. >> i think i made it clear last week that the president has nothing further on that, hunter.
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>> wait, wait, sean, does that mean that the president will deny the requests? >> i think, i said, i was very clear that we -- the president would have nothing further on that last week. >> you're describing a situation in which the president would defy the legislative branch's request, that's what you're saying. >> i understand that. alexis, i made it clear what the president's position is on that issue. >> stephen: sean, just because something happened three days ago doesn't mean reporters aren't allowed to keep talking about it. i mean, bachelor couple ben and lauren just broke up today, and i'm going to be processing that for months. so the press kept pressing. >> why won't you just explain whether or not there are recordings? >> i think the president has made it clear what his position is. >> that's not my question. so why won't you explain? >> i understand that, but that's what the president's position is. >> so, given you refuse to confirm or deny any of this, how is any senior official supposed to feel comfortable having a conversation privately with the president? >> as i've said, hallie, the president has made it clear what his position is. >> stephen: no.
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look, we know he's screwing the country over here, but he hasn't made it clear what his position is. is it missionary? doggie-style? ( cheers and applause ) rif( piano riff ) why did you have to do that?! ( cheers and applause ) sounds like he's pulling a reverse constitutional. ( laughter ) point is, the entire week has been a messaging disaster. and sources say trump is frustrated and angry at everyone and that he's considering a huge reboot. yeah, it's yet another 70's reboot: "watergate 2: resign harder." this summer, he is a crook. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: got two peace signs. that's strange. >> stephen: to be fair, nixon at least attempted a coverup.
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( laughter ) but, on saturday, trump sat down with fox news' jeanine pirro, hoping she could come up with an explanation. >> are you moving so quickly that your communications department cannot keep up with you? >> yes. that's true. >> stephen: hard-hitting interview. >> jon: that's a hard-hitting one, brother. >> stephen: are you so great at being president that no one knows what the hell is happening? she continued. >> stephen: what do we do with that. >> we just don't have press conferences. >> stephen: you don't mean that. >> just don't have them, unless we have them every two weeks and i do them myself. >> stephen: oh, sir, please don't do your own press conferences. ( applause ) >> stephen: they're always such fountains of eloquence and bassians of dignity. what would we talk about? of course, no press conferences might mean no sean spicer, but trump put that rumor to rest. sort of.
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>> you know sean spicer. he is a wonderful human being. he's a nice man. >> is he your press secretary today and tomorrow? >> yeah, he is. >> will he be there tomorrow? >> he is. well, he's doing a good job, but he gets beat up. >> will he be there tomorrow? >> yeah, well he's been there from the beginning. >> stephen: ok, he's firing sean spicer. ( laughter ) he's always been here! >> jon: mm-hmm. >> stephen: luckily, that time sean spent in the bushes will come in handy next week when he's working at home depot. ( laughter ) i have to say something here -- donald trump, if you're watching, first of all, you're a bad president, pr ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) second of all, please, please, please don't take sean spicer from us. ( laughter ) where am i going to get my daily
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dose of veiled anger and condescension? sarah huckabee sanders is okay, but she doesn't have that certain je ne sais "whaaaa?" ( cheers and applause ) we've a great show coming up. danny mcbride is here. when we return. stick around. when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz.
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at&t fiber sounds amazing. wait a sec, i'm not done yet. less than 12% of at&t homes actually qualify. huh... hold on. everyone else gets our other, slower internet speeds. but no one reads this stuff anyway. except for the old guy with the binoculars. huh... we got ourselves a reader. don't be fooled by at&t. xfinity delivers the fastest speeds to the most homes. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: jon batiste, "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) a warm sip of tea right now. my voice is going on me.
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i've got minutes left in my throat, minutes. >> jon: man! >> stephen: nice thing, at my birthday this weekend -- you know, what do you want, huh? ( cheers and applause ) what do you want for your birthday, right? i got everything. what do you want? you want to feel loved, right? >> jon: that's it, you want to feel loved. >> stephen: i'm a 53-year-old man, i've got to stay in my pajamas for three days and my wife let me eat pop tarts and watch anything i wanted. >> jon: best birthday ever. >> stephen: i love you, honey! we'll do mother's day next year. her mother's day sucked this year. ( laughter ) i'm excited about metallica! >> jon: oh, right! ( applause ) tomorrow, we have a very special appearance on this show by mr. bra brad pittt ( audience reacts ) that was my reaction when i found out.
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they said, he does don't these things. no, he's coming. i'm going to work out a fair amount between now and tomorrow. i don't want to be outmanned by brad pitt. >> jon: got to get your voice back. >> stephen: yeah, got to get that back. you know who else had a good weekend, donald trump. >> jon: oh. >> stephen: yeah. over the weekend, trump gave a commencement speech at liberty university. that's a first for him. trump university speeches are usually given as depositions. ( applause ) that's a solid joke. and it wouldn't be a trump speech if he didn't start by bragging about how many people showed up to see him. >> the inspiring legacy that we see all around us in this great stadium-- this is a beautiful stadium and it is packed. i'm so happy about that. i said, 'how are you going to fill up a place like that?' it is packed, jerry. >> stephen: does everything with this guy have to be about crowd size? of course, that stadium was packed with graduates. it's graduation!
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( laughter ) i don't want to burst your bubble, but -- you're the opening act for a piece of paper. ( laughter ) and trump had some solid, generic words of wisdom. >> remember this, nothing worth doing ever, ever, ever came easy. >> stephen: great advice from a guy who just got an honorary degree. ( laughter ) and he had some sage advice for the graduates as they step into the adult world. >> a small group of failed voices, who think they know everything and understand everyone, want to tell everybody else how to live and what to do and what to think. but you aren't going to let other people tell you what you believe, especially when you know that you're right. we don't need a lecture from washington on how to lead our lives. >> stephen: right.
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now enjoy this lecture from the president, who's in from washington today, on how to lead your lives. ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's fair. >> jon: yeah, he's telling 'em. >> stephen: then trump wrapped things up with a graduate-level demonstration of how to pad a speech by rambling about the football schedule with university president jerry falwell junior. >> just wait until the world hears the football teams you'll be playing on your schedule starting next season. president falwell gave me a list of some of those schools, the ones you're going to be playing 2018. would you like me to read the names, just came out? u-mass. virginia. auburn-- jerry, are you sure you know what you're doing? rutgers. old dominion. brigham young. army. i might be at that game. who am i supposed to root for? tell me. i don't know. that's a tough one, jerry.
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i don't know, jerry. i'm have to think about that one, jerry. buffalo. troy. virginia tech. oh, no, jerry, ole miss. and wake forest. those are really top schools. >> stephen: "what's that, jerry? i have to keep talking? okay. here's a list of football teams you're "not" playing next year. ohio state, michigan, the new england patriots-- that would be crazy, right jerry? who would we root for if we did that? what else we got here, this week's lunch menu: mac 'n cheese, tater tots, carrot coins-- love that, jerry-- i'm now going to guess what all your names are. is there a bill? a william? a willard? is there a jerry? i know there's a jerry. don't tell me there's not a
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jerry, jerry. it's crazy. it's crazy. but be good. do good stuff. ( laughter ) but at least the president provided a moment of hope for the future. >> there may very well be a president or two in our midst. anybody think they're going to be president, raise your hand. >> stephen: great! anyone willing to start today? ( laughter ) ( band playing ) we'll be right back with danny mcbride. ( cheers and applause ) we are told the pyramids were built to be tombs. what was that? but the truth is... they're prisons. there's writing on the mummy's coffin. a warning of plagues... unlike anything we've ever seen. you have no idea, mr. morton... what you have unleashed. rated pg-13. experience it in imax.
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the explosion and fire killed eight people. pg&e was convicted of six felony charges including five violations of the u.s. pipeline safety act and obstructing an ntsb investigation. pg&e was fined, placed under an outside monitor, given five years of probation, and required to perform 10,000 hours of community service. we are deeply sorry.
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we failed our customers in san bruno. while an apology alone will never be enough, actions can make pg&e safer. and that's why we've replaced hundreds of miles of gas pipeline, adopted new leak detection technology that is one-thousand times more sensitive, and built a state-of-the-art gas operations center. we can never forget what happened in san bruno. that's why we're working every day to make pg&e the safest energy company in the nation. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. you know my first guest from comedies like "eastbound and down" and "tropic
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thunder." his new movie, "alien: covenant" is a little different. >> we've got company! hat?! e've got company, other side of the ship! >> open the door! hold tight! i'm starting my climb! hold on! >> ahhh! >> stephen: please welcome danny mcbride! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> oh, wow! ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: that was fantastic. that was fantastic. >> it's a little funny space comedy. >> stephen: yeah. just like the normal stuff i do. >> stephen: i've got a little cold today. you want a little of this action. ( laughter ) >> i'm such a big fan of yours, i can't believe i'm here. >> stephen: really? i'm a huge fan of yours. i saw you in tropic thunder. i thought, who is that? pineapple express. i have a bone to pick with you about vice principals. >> tell me about it. >> stephen: vice principals shoots in charleston, south carolina, in the county, and you just moved and bought a house in charleston. >> i did. >> stephen: that's my town. i know, that's why i moved there. i did this to orchestrate a friendship between you and i. >> stephen: i'm up for it. i'm game, too. this is going to work out perfectly. i told my wife this was going to
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work. >> stephen: who sold you on me and what sit about charleston, the town? >> i just fell in love with it and when we scouted that location for vice principals, we were trying to figure out when we were going to shoot the show. i got on the plane and heard someone call pi name and it was bill murray and he spent the whole ride telling me what an incredible city charleston was and how we should shoot our show there. >> stephen: so bill murray convinced you? >> he convinced me. >> stephen: he's not from charleston. >> but he's been there for a while. >> stephen: i understand, but i'm from charleston. >> yeah. >> stephen: you have to clear this stuff with me. if you want to do this stuff in wilamet, illinois, where bill is you can ask him: ( laughter ) total eclipse of the sun 22n 22nd of august, something like
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that, going all-right over charleston. we'll have to party. >> all the perks moving to this town. >> stephen: you're southern, you grew up in virginia. >> spotslevainia, virginia. >> stephen: civil war battleground? >> i think it is the bloodiest ground in all of north america. there were so many civil war battles there. yeah, it takes the record. it was very cool. >> stephen: how did you go from a kid in spotslevainia hanging out, causing trouble, how did you go from that to being the power house who is danny mcbride? how did you get into show business? >> something i always ask myself. i loved movies when i was a kid. i would try to make them all the time. >> stephen: with your friends? with my friends. one of my friends had a video camera in sixth grade. it was our first film called "stand by me 2". >> stephen: the sequel?
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ray broker, the kid who's dead in the first one, comes back as a zombie to kill all the kids who saw his dead body. >> stephen: to get revenge? yeah. >> stephen: sounds like a stephen king story. >> yeah, it was great. it was really fun. we got pretty wild with it. everyone played a character. i was goredy. we were shooting my death scene and one of our older brothers had a car. i was, like, just come at me with the car, not at a fast speed, i'll jump on to the hood and it will be fine. just go slow. no, he just -- i literally got hit by a car, rolled off the hood and limped home for dinner. my mom is, like, why are you limping? oh, just finishing the movie. ( laughter ) >> stephen: did you get the shot? >> of course. >> stephen: is there any chance this film would be available for people the to see some time? >> i'm the only one with a copy and no one will ever see it.
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( laughter ) >> stephen: you didn't break through till you were about 30 years old, right? >> about 28. >> stephen: what were you doing before? >> a plethora of things. a substitute teacher, bartender. >> stephen: you were a substitute teacher? >> yeah. >> stephen: that would be fun. how often would you just put on "brave heart" and go, this is history? >> every day. ( laughter ) > then i went the los angeles, tried to up my game. i got a job at the holiday inn in burbank as the night manager. i thought i could write scripts >> stephen: graveyard shift? yeah, like when you come in at 11:00 at night. i was thinking how much action can a hotel see that late at night? i'll write scripts all night long. as soon as i got the job there, everyone was telling me how the top floor was haunted. the crystal view lounge, there was a ghost up there. i spent all my nights trying to summon the ghost. i would take the elevator to the
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top floor and walk around the top floor. i was like, where are you? reveal yourself to me! ( laughter ) so for -- >> stephen: did it work? well, at one point, it did work. it never worked, then suddenly, one night, i was out there doing it, thinking, all right, i'm not going to see, the ghost is a lie, and i was if there kind of walking around, being kind of flippant about it, and then all of a sudden, just like everyone tells you, the temperature dropped, it got super cold and i felt, like, oh, there's definitely something in here right now. so i quickly turned, hauled as back to the elevator, feeling something is behind me. get to the elevator. no one is on the floor except me because i'm an idiot and it's all dark. i hit the elevator button, it opens, i get inside, it closes and then, bing! it opened back up to a dark corridor and i was looking in there terrified, hitting the button to close. on the way down, every single
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floor, the elevator stopped and there was no one on any of them, and i quit soon after. ( laughter ) my time pretending to be jack nicholson is done. >> stephen: that's a low-rent shining. >> you would be surprised. >> stephen: you've always been the night manager. ( laughter ) okay. i've got a bone to pick with you. >> give it to me. >> stephen: about the "alien: covenant" thing. looking forward to it. great cast, hearing great things, but this -- we already showed the clip of you and the alien trying to come through the windshield at you. >> yeah, i did that for real. >> stephen: okay, but this clip of one of the teaser trailers, the music that you chose, or not you but the music chosen is really upsetting, i find. ♪ almost heaven
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♪ west virginia ♪ blue ridge mountains ♪ shenandoah river ♪ country roads ♪ take me home ♪ to the place ♪ i belong >> stephen: why? why? why? ahhh! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> how dare you! >> stephen: why? why? why would you want to ruin a perfectly lovely song like that? >> i'm sorry. >> stephen: it's always been a memory with me driving around with my sister in 1969 in her boyfriend's blue mustang convertible to that song and now forever i will only think of this. >> stephen: yeah, it's been properly ruined for sure. >> stephen: danny, lovely to meet you, man. >> nice to meet you, too. >> stephen: see you in charleston.
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>> yeah. >> stephen: "alien: covenant," opens this friday, danny mcbride, everybody! back with jane krakowski! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) rickie fowler's a professional golfer. when it comes to hitting perfect drives, nobody does it better. he's also into oil painting. looking good. but when it comes to mortgages, he's less confident. fortunately for rickie, there's rocket mortgage by quicken loans. it's simple, so he can understand the details and be sure he's getting the right mortgage. apply simply. understand fully. mortgage confidently. ♪♪
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: give it up for the jazz cowboy! ( cheers and applause ) thank you, sheriff! ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a tony award-winning actress you know from "30 rock" and "unbreakable kimmy schmidt." ( cheers and applause ) >> just initial where it says uncontested and sign at the bottom. >> and then i can use this pen to apply to college. >> college?! good for you! i wish i had gotten my degree.
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back before julian, i went for a year, ran out of money. trump university. so pricks! >> stephen: please welcome jane krakowski! ( cheers and applause ) >> i come bearing gifts. >> stephen: what do you have here? >> i heard you were under the weather so i ran and got you chicken soup when danny was on. >> stephen: you literally got me soup? >> the soup nazi is just a few blocks away. >> stephen: oh, wow! enjoy! >> stephen: i just want to put on a snorkel and get in here. nice to see you again. >> so good to see you. i need john's workout tape because backstage ready to come on, everybody's dancing and grooving. now that i put on my trump ten,
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i've got to work on a little bit. >> stephen: i haven't heard about the trump ten. >> the freshman 15. >> stephen: i totally have the trump ten. i'm stress eating all the time. oh, hold on. i'll be right with you. >> i could gin out to that. your music is amazing. >> stephen: well, thank you for this. i'm definitely going to eat it. happy belated mother's day. you have a son? >> i have a 6-year-old boy named emmett. >> stephen: 6 is perfect. my mother used to say just when you get them all, great company, they can take care of themselves, hold a conversation, the school will be, orq, we'll take them now. just when they're perfect. >> right when we can get them to work at home. >> stephen: really, they can make their bed and everything. is he impressed to have a famous tv mom? >> well, he definitely knows i'm on tv and he says my mom's an actress but i don't know if he knows what that means. i think show business has worn
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off on him but perhaps maybe not the best fit. >> stephen: what do you mean? he was on a school field trip and there are always parent chaperones and one of them took out their camera, and my son went, oh, no! paparazzi! ( laughter ) yeah. >> stephen: and how did that go over? >> he's not on the school web site. ( laughter ) >> stephen: so he didn't have photos taken of him? >> he went like h this and got himself out of the photos. mommy's trained him that when you see people pull out a camera on the street that you walk away. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you were a child star. >> i worked as a child. the best thing that actually happened to me is i was not a child star, i just got work. it encouraged me to keep going. >> stephen: you were a child actress. >> great, super. >> stephen: let's edit out everything i said that's wrong. >> no, it's not wrong, but -- >> stephen: no, you've attacked me.
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( laughter ) i feel attacked. the soup. the soup softened me up and then the knife went right in. i'm emotionally fragile right now, i have a cold. but would you recommend that -- your childhood to your own child? >> oh, my gosh, i don't know. he hasn't shown the need for applause like i have -- ( applause ) >> stephen: well, it's easy to want it from such beautiful people. ( cheers and applause ) i'm sorry. do go on. ( laughter ) i'm so ri. i interrupted you. go on. you were telling a fascinating story of your childhood. ( laughter ) does he want to go do it? or would you let him go do it if he said, mom, go do it? >> i would if he showed an extreme interest. >> stephen: extreme interest. mm-hmm. >> well, i don't know. he went on his first red carpet the other day, which we went to
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see the opening of willi willy a and the chocolate factory which i love for kids, it was great. he bought a suit for the first time. he knew he was going to walk the red carpet. he was a little shy then he got comfortable with it. somebody said, can we get a solo shot of your mom? he said, yeah, only if i get a solo shot, too. he might be ready. >> stephen: cut that guy loose in hollywood, he'll be fine. ( laughter ) this is the first time i've had you on since we've had a new president. i knew you were in starlight express, but what i didn't know is it gave you access to this historic american figure. what's going on? that's you right there, and that guy just gave away state secrets to the russians. ( laughter ) how did this photo come about? what is happening? >> we were brought to the skating rink here in new york --
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>> stephen: trump made himself a name by getting it done. >> exactly. but it's weird. we were at an ice skating rink and we were in a show about roller skating. >> does he know the difference between the two of those things, the question? >> i was only 17, so i wasn't even able to vote at that time, but, i don't know, he didn't eye me up at all or -- >> stephen: he didn't eye you up? he didn't chat you up or anything? >> no. >> stephen: well, i'm surprised because this is -- may any. >> yeah. >> stephen: this is not you. i actually thought this was a picture of you when it was brought to me. that's marla maples, that's his second wife. >> yes, whohe person i am most misrecognized for. >> stephen: people think you're her and she is you? >> it depends on what's happening when i get recognized for marla maples, but this past year somebody recognized me for her. so that's a thing. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yes. "unbreakable kimmy schmidt,"
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available now or just this friday? >> this friday! >> stephen: lovely. it's a fan tarks tremendous show. congratulations. >> oh, you're so sweet. >> stephen: "unbreakable kimmy schmidt" season three on netflix this gri. jane krakowski, everybody. back with a performance by metallica! ( cheers and applause ) "sta( band playing ) enjoy two grilled favorites your choice of two sides like unlimited fries all from just $12.99. only at applebee's. "got a minute? new aveeno®...r you." ...positively radiant® 60 second in shower facial. works with steam to reveal... ...glowing skin in just one minute. aveeno® "naturally beautiful results®"
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♪someday you'll let me put my way ycomb up there♪air♪ ♪'til then you're beautiful and i just stare♪ ♪
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she pretty much lives in her favorite princess dress. but once a week i let her play sheriff so i can wash it. i use tide to get out those week old stains and downy to get it fresh and soft. you are free to go. tide and downy together. woman: so this happened. zoe brought over some lime-a-rita's to ava's rooftop and that's when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. that's elyse busting out her dance move from summer of '08. ( ♪ ) she insists it's her signature move, but we're all pretty good at it. yeah, looks like we're staying here tonight. lime-a-rita. make it a margarita moment. lime-a-rita. does your makeup remover every kiss-proof,ff? cry-proof, stay-proof look? neutrogena® makeup remover does. it erases 99% of your most stubborn makeup
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with one towelette. need any more proof than that? neutrogena.
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>> stephen: my next guests have sold over 110 million albums. here performing, "now that we're dead" ladies and gentlemen, metallica! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ when darkness falls may it be ♪ that we should see the light when reaper calls ♪ may it be that we walk straight and right ♪ when doubt returns may it be ♪ that faith shall permeate our scars then may it be ♪ that we not deviate our cause all sinners, a future ♪ all saints, a past beginning, the ending
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♪ return to ash now that we're dead, my dear ♪ we can be together now that we're dead, my dear ♪ we can live forever ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when all is pain ♪ may it be it's all we've ever known ♪ when flame consumes may it be ♪ it warms our dying bones when loss has won ♪ may it be it's you i'm madly fighting for ♪ when kingdom comes may it be ♪ we walk right through that open door
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♪ all sinners, a future all saints, a past ♪ beginning, the ending return to ash ♪ now that we're dead, my dear we can be together ♪ now that we're dead, my dear we can live forever ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ all sinners, a future all saints, a past ♪ beginning, the ending return to ash ♪ now that we're dead, my dear we can be together ♪ now that we're dead, my dear we can live, we can live forever ♪ ♪ ♪ return to ashes, shed this skin ♪ beyond the black, we rise again ♪ we shall live forever
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that's what i'm talking about! their album, "hardwired... to self-destruct" is out now! metallica everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) what made two guys build race car engines in their own shop?
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what made them believe that a two-ton behemoth could compete in a track race? or that they could take on the elite in world motor racing, and win? we may never truly understand what drives mercedes-amg. but here's to another 50 years of it. mercedes-amg. half a century of driving performance.
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( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: that's it for the "late show." tune in tomorrow when i'll be joined by brad pitt for a special appearance. now stick around for james ayrden and his guests harry odyles and aaron taylor-johnson. goodnight! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by acedia access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> i'll pick some up on the way home, bye. >> hello. ( cheers and applause ) >> name? >> harry styles, i'm here for the "late, late show" with james corden. i'll be here all week. >> you're harry styles? >> i am. >> yeah, sure, fine, and i'm katy perry. >> no, i'm harry styles, yeah.

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